When the time of reckoning is upon us... when the final tally is carried out... when good and evil find out who was the true ruler of Earth... the battle will not be judged on souls... but on BOX OFFICE IMPACT!!!
In the Blue corner, hailing from Bethlehem Nazareth, The Stigmata Stomper himself... JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY OF NAZARETH!
Aaaand in the red corner, 25 years in the Biz and still going strong... The Spooky Scientologist! TOM CRUUUUUUUUUUUUUISE!
Jesus has made some movies that while stylistically have been impressive the story was weak sauce. His Directors include Martin Scorcese and Mel Gibson and his legion of "fans" are literally willing to kill for him.
Cruise however made Mission: Impossible. Despite it's critical attacks it stands as one of the awesomest films ever made.
So all this hoo-ha over Tom Cruise selling scientology to the masses is making big news. And so it should - it's not every day a big budget Hollywood actor mouths off about aliens and such. But in the end it's made me realise something important.
Scientology is scoffed at because it involves an evil space emperor and a giant volcano. But is it THAT much more ridiculous than a guy who could walk on water and the prospect of a floaty place in the clouds we go when we die?
Scientology has made one thing abundantly clear: All religion is dumb as shit. Most people are open to the idea of alien life so why not Xenu?
I have to admire the man's balls though. Being so outspoken regarding our imminent demise by evil forces despite having to maintain a reputation in the fickle politics of celebrity.
In the end the war between Tom Cruise and Jesus Christ Almighty as Nazareth boils down to one thing and one thing alone... so who has the biggest draw at the box office?
Sorry Jesus. Xenu kicks your ass.
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