So... do I suck or do my friends?
Considering I have had to spend Halloween night stuck in on my own I would take both answers at this point.
Fuck them because I got to sit down for a double bill of pure, unbridled terror (as well as all the sweets the kids didn't get.)
Paranormal Activity (2009)
What to say about this film that hasn't been said before? The story, as you may know already, is about a couple, loveable Katie and jerk Micah, who are suddenly dealing with weird phenomena in their house. Katie has dealt with this before but Micah is too excited at the prospect of "documenting" the happenings to show real fear. So, we see a series of nights in which creepy things happen to the pair; things that slowly get worse and worse until a pay off which kinda disappoints.
The other reviewers say that Micah is too unlikeable but I disagree. Sure he does everything in his power to mess with the entity despite being told NOT TO. Sure he brings in a Ouija Board despite being told NOT TO. However there is a realism to him that I can relate to - his first instinct in having a Video Camera? Sex tape.
Both characters are played well and don't suffer the fake/real acting of other fake/real documentary horrors. Katie is so adorable, and according to the internet is too overweight (???), whereas Micah's character undergoes a change that nobody seems to have seen. During the film his initial reactions are cocky and dumb, later he is defensive of his home, then he is protective of his girlfriend. Most people just seem to say "DOUCHE" and leave it there but some of the later scenes where he comforts his woman are quite touching.
Of course the film isn't available in the UK so I got it through ill means. Therefore I got the "original ending" which seems far too Blair Witch for my tastes and droned on too long. Having heard of the differences between this and it's theatrical sibling I can say I will visit the cinema on it's release.
Although hoping the DVD contains the sex tape deleted scene.
SCARE FACTOR NOTES: I stopped this film 5 times. It wasn't as chilling as [REC] but quite a few scenes left me unsettled. Curse my bladder for having no tolerance for energy drinks.
HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH
Thanks to Brad Jones (www.thecinemasnob.com) I decided to hunt down a copy of this movie. A film I haven't seen since the late 80's.
Dr TOM ATKINS witnesses a man immolate himself after murdering one of his patients - a crazy old guy with a Halloween mask. This begins his investigation into Silver Shamrock Novelties who make the masks and have a dark practical joke to play on the children of the world.
Firstly, TOM ATKINS, is the smoothest man in film. He is built like a wall, has the face of a 50 year old (in every film), can make a 'stache work for him, has deep marks on his cheeks and, despite it all, gets the cutest and hottest ladies after him at all times. He bedded Jamie Lee Curtis in The Fog about 5 minutes (TOM ATKINS time) after meeting her and in this movie meets the too cute Stacey Nelkin and beds her in about 7 minutes. I also think he could take Chuck Norris, in fact Chuck would just fall to his knees and propose to TOM.
The real star of this movie is Dan O'Herlihy as the villain and owner of Silver Shamrock Inc. As a kid I would only ever see him playing "The Old Man" in Robocop, spouting some of that films most memorable lines... "Dick, I'm very disappointed".
Here he is the true villain. Asked why he wants to kill the children of (presumably just) America he asks if he NEEDS a reason. Balls on this guy! His telling of the Samhain legend in his native "Oirland" is worthy of a campfire horror story - which in a way is what this film feels like. Everyone knows Halloween 3 was supposed to be a new direction in the franchise, telling different tales of Halloween in each one. Sadly, the flop of the film meant Michael Myers returned in the 4th.
TOM ATKINS (I fear if I don't repeat his name he will find me)
However the 2 things I have remembered with great clarity since my previous viewing are the 2 most gruesome moments - the "misfire" and the scene where we see the REAL Halloween surprise.
(with thanks to English Stan)
You see that? A bloody snake came out of the face!
Oddly enough I classify Season Of The Witch as the best of the Halloween films. It plays out like the urban legend of razor blades in the apples. Michael may have stalked babysitters but this film goes for the gut - It goes after the kids. In fact of the few deaths in the film the biggest one IS a child. It also contains an ending that, while a possible homage, is still as chilling and gripping an ending as you could make.
SCARE FACTOR NOTES: Whilst not "scary" as such the film plays as a creepy, gruesome sci-fi film. The real scares come from well crafted tension building moments and the stingers that occur whenever someone appears slightly from the edge of the screen. This simple action brings a sound like John Carpenter sat on his keyboard. Cheesy? YES! Effective? DAMN YES!
In closing was my Halloween a success?
No I wish I was out getting drunk.
Saturday, 31 October 2009
Friday, 9 October 2009
Transformers 2 - Time to turn in my geek card
So I am 30 minutes into Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. For the life of me I am enjoying it. Having read the numerous rants and ravings of the internet-o-sphere I was expecting a lot worse. So I am going to keep this blog open and come back to it when I find something to be angry about...
2 hours later. I can safely say... nothing. I totally enjoyed it.
As usual in the web age it seems that the "internet reviewers" have fallen upon the usual nit-pick bandwagon that other great films have fallen prey to. So lets look at their arguments:
1) Lack of identifiable Transformers.
Well to be brutally honest I couldn't tell you the name of a single character save for Sam and Mikaela. So if that is the case for the humans then why should I care for the Transformers?
2) The Hot Decepticon. Why?
It is perfectly understandable for the Decepticons to plant one of their own to follow Sam. His family have been intwined with the 'Formers for years so surely there would be a strong possibility of a connection shortly after. Aside from the military Sam is the only one who is in communication with the Autobots.
3) Confusing storyline.
I chuckle that the "intelligent reviewers" have trouble following a simple storyline in a 100% popcorn funfest. To sum it up - Sam sees symbols that will lead him to a key. This key will activate a big blow up machine. The Baddies want part of the Allspark that contains the location info. They steal the other remaining piece to bring back Megatron - Their leader. He is a minion of the Fallen who wants to destroy the sun for Energon (precious Energon!) and wants Optimus Prime dead as he is the only robot that can defeat the Fallen. Optimus Prime is killed and the Baddies go to get the loot. Sam figures the key can also resurrect Optimus. Sam gets there first. There is a fight. Optimus comes back. Goodies win. THE END!
4) Autobots appear and disappear.
Yes this is true but only if you are viewing this film for sheer asshat nerdery. Once again I didn't notice this at all during the film. Optimus is in a different area when he is killed. During the final battle the Autobots are there, shit goes down, then they return. This is a problem... why?
5) The Racist Twins.
Okay THIS I don't get. Maybe society has become wayyy too politically correct but I seriously don't see this as an issue. Fuck, Marlon Wayans still gets cast in movies playing this exact character so why when it's 2 robots does it become a problem? Okay I didn't find them funny but as characters they didn't offend my delicate sensibilities - believe me I am as PC as they come - and so I give them a shrug.
6) The Shard and Jetfire.
So Sam uses the shard to resurrect Jetfire. Not Optimus Prime. Okay... if you follow the movie every action has a reaction. They go from point A to B to C and at no time during the film does Sam have the ability to actually GET to Optimus. Being wanted by everyone to just be handed over to the Decepticons kinda silences just showing up at a Military Base dontcha think? Even so the possibility of the Allspark shard bringing a Prime back especially after he harnessed the full energy of the Allspark in the first film is pretty damn slim. Plus Jetfire didn't seem dead to me, more like he was on stand-by.
7) Jetfire teleports.
Okay.... and? It's a simple way of getting all the characters to point B from point A. I'm not gonna lose sleep over THAT.
8) Transformer heaven?
You know there are times I read something and it sounds bad. Like the ENTIRETY of The Happening. Then when I actually SEE it? It works. See I don't visualise Transformer heaven when I see it in the film. Sam was coded with the symbols from the Allspark shard. Thus he has been uploaded with information. So when he was on the verge of death it is totally plausible for him to see the vision he saw. The Primes in his vision a part of the coding. Hell the Allspark contained information on FINDING the Primes so surely that could have been included in Sam's vision?
9) Shia's hand.
I am using the Topless Robot complaints list for this and they mention how his hand injury is not "written" into the movie because nobody references it... What the hell? He appears from teleport with a burning hand and shows pain from it. Already I see this and understand: his hand? Damaged. Then we see Megan tend to the hand. Okay, I am sold. Sam has hurt his hand. In a film that is fast-paced and exciting do we really need to stop the film for someone to say "Hey, how is your hand?" or "Hey, your hand man?" The answer is no.
10) Devastator's Balls.
Okay. I only noticed this from the ONE part where it is mentioned and seen in semi close-up. A lot was made about this on the Topless Robot site in the running up to the film's release. Seriously? In no way did this take anything away from the film like the pissing scene in the first one. THAT really made me feel uncomfortable. In fact I was more troubled by the Dog on Dog action at the start - I seriously think Michael Bay is making Dog Porn in the same way Mice were used to entice Cats into watching Frank Cross' Live Scrooge adaptation.
11) College scenes. Mom's Brownies.
The one thing about a Transformer's movie is that it is, at it's core, a film about giant robots. Now, considering the complaints ABOUT the giant robots, it makes sense to have a focus on the human characters. See, there is an important thing in the world of film, you have to allow your audience INTO the movie. If you have an all robot film then we, as the audience, cannot become involved so it makes more sense to have human's in the action. The college scenes were fun in my opinion. His Mom's drug fuelled scenes actually made me laugh. So...?
12) Megan Fox.
I honestly do not understand the hate spewed at this girl. I am a fan. No amount of vitriol will take away from that. They attack her looks, her acting and her in general. Now as far as looks go she is a 10. I can honestly say she is a perfect specimen of a woman - it is a shame she made her name in Transformers because with the right vehicle she would be able to show she is made of better stuff. Actingwise she is competant. Her emotional range in a Michael Bay film was impressive beating all the other actors hands down. Her passionate plea to Sam as he lay dying was on the money and her scene as she nervously waited for her "Date" with Sam was sweetly played. I know Megan Fox can act - she's just waiting for the role in which to shine.
Now Megan Fox as a person? I don't know. She isn't in my circle of friends and never will be but I have read interviews with her and she seems so completely grounded it's scary. She spoke of how the limelight changes you and some days you want to just let loose and have fun but the watchful gaze of the Paparazzi prevents that. She is a quiet, personal and reflective woman and not a total wreck like most pretty stars. I have read about people who have interviewed her and say she is a nice person however these stories will be buried quickly by the hate filled stories and rumours about her. It's like in school where the pretty girl was bullied because all the men liked her - it's sad and pathetic.
It's my opinion that the MEN who don't like Megan Fox are either Gay, Lying or do not live with the vain hope she would date them. Lucky for me I live in denial.
So, in my opinion, Transformers 2 = awesome. Thanks a fucking bunch Topless Robot. I missed out on this at the cinema thanks to you.
2 hours later. I can safely say... nothing. I totally enjoyed it.
As usual in the web age it seems that the "internet reviewers" have fallen upon the usual nit-pick bandwagon that other great films have fallen prey to. So lets look at their arguments:
1) Lack of identifiable Transformers.
Well to be brutally honest I couldn't tell you the name of a single character save for Sam and Mikaela. So if that is the case for the humans then why should I care for the Transformers?
2) The Hot Decepticon. Why?
It is perfectly understandable for the Decepticons to plant one of their own to follow Sam. His family have been intwined with the 'Formers for years so surely there would be a strong possibility of a connection shortly after. Aside from the military Sam is the only one who is in communication with the Autobots.
3) Confusing storyline.
I chuckle that the "intelligent reviewers" have trouble following a simple storyline in a 100% popcorn funfest. To sum it up - Sam sees symbols that will lead him to a key. This key will activate a big blow up machine. The Baddies want part of the Allspark that contains the location info. They steal the other remaining piece to bring back Megatron - Their leader. He is a minion of the Fallen who wants to destroy the sun for Energon (precious Energon!) and wants Optimus Prime dead as he is the only robot that can defeat the Fallen. Optimus Prime is killed and the Baddies go to get the loot. Sam figures the key can also resurrect Optimus. Sam gets there first. There is a fight. Optimus comes back. Goodies win. THE END!
4) Autobots appear and disappear.
Yes this is true but only if you are viewing this film for sheer asshat nerdery. Once again I didn't notice this at all during the film. Optimus is in a different area when he is killed. During the final battle the Autobots are there, shit goes down, then they return. This is a problem... why?
5) The Racist Twins.
Okay THIS I don't get. Maybe society has become wayyy too politically correct but I seriously don't see this as an issue. Fuck, Marlon Wayans still gets cast in movies playing this exact character so why when it's 2 robots does it become a problem? Okay I didn't find them funny but as characters they didn't offend my delicate sensibilities - believe me I am as PC as they come - and so I give them a shrug.
6) The Shard and Jetfire.
So Sam uses the shard to resurrect Jetfire. Not Optimus Prime. Okay... if you follow the movie every action has a reaction. They go from point A to B to C and at no time during the film does Sam have the ability to actually GET to Optimus. Being wanted by everyone to just be handed over to the Decepticons kinda silences just showing up at a Military Base dontcha think? Even so the possibility of the Allspark shard bringing a Prime back especially after he harnessed the full energy of the Allspark in the first film is pretty damn slim. Plus Jetfire didn't seem dead to me, more like he was on stand-by.
7) Jetfire teleports.
Okay.... and? It's a simple way of getting all the characters to point B from point A. I'm not gonna lose sleep over THAT.
8) Transformer heaven?
You know there are times I read something and it sounds bad. Like the ENTIRETY of The Happening. Then when I actually SEE it? It works. See I don't visualise Transformer heaven when I see it in the film. Sam was coded with the symbols from the Allspark shard. Thus he has been uploaded with information. So when he was on the verge of death it is totally plausible for him to see the vision he saw. The Primes in his vision a part of the coding. Hell the Allspark contained information on FINDING the Primes so surely that could have been included in Sam's vision?
9) Shia's hand.
I am using the Topless Robot complaints list for this and they mention how his hand injury is not "written" into the movie because nobody references it... What the hell? He appears from teleport with a burning hand and shows pain from it. Already I see this and understand: his hand? Damaged. Then we see Megan tend to the hand. Okay, I am sold. Sam has hurt his hand. In a film that is fast-paced and exciting do we really need to stop the film for someone to say "Hey, how is your hand?" or "Hey, your hand man?" The answer is no.
10) Devastator's Balls.
Okay. I only noticed this from the ONE part where it is mentioned and seen in semi close-up. A lot was made about this on the Topless Robot site in the running up to the film's release. Seriously? In no way did this take anything away from the film like the pissing scene in the first one. THAT really made me feel uncomfortable. In fact I was more troubled by the Dog on Dog action at the start - I seriously think Michael Bay is making Dog Porn in the same way Mice were used to entice Cats into watching Frank Cross' Live Scrooge adaptation.
11) College scenes. Mom's Brownies.
The one thing about a Transformer's movie is that it is, at it's core, a film about giant robots. Now, considering the complaints ABOUT the giant robots, it makes sense to have a focus on the human characters. See, there is an important thing in the world of film, you have to allow your audience INTO the movie. If you have an all robot film then we, as the audience, cannot become involved so it makes more sense to have human's in the action. The college scenes were fun in my opinion. His Mom's drug fuelled scenes actually made me laugh. So...?
12) Megan Fox.
I honestly do not understand the hate spewed at this girl. I am a fan. No amount of vitriol will take away from that. They attack her looks, her acting and her in general. Now as far as looks go she is a 10. I can honestly say she is a perfect specimen of a woman - it is a shame she made her name in Transformers because with the right vehicle she would be able to show she is made of better stuff. Actingwise she is competant. Her emotional range in a Michael Bay film was impressive beating all the other actors hands down. Her passionate plea to Sam as he lay dying was on the money and her scene as she nervously waited for her "Date" with Sam was sweetly played. I know Megan Fox can act - she's just waiting for the role in which to shine.
Now Megan Fox as a person? I don't know. She isn't in my circle of friends and never will be but I have read interviews with her and she seems so completely grounded it's scary. She spoke of how the limelight changes you and some days you want to just let loose and have fun but the watchful gaze of the Paparazzi prevents that. She is a quiet, personal and reflective woman and not a total wreck like most pretty stars. I have read about people who have interviewed her and say she is a nice person however these stories will be buried quickly by the hate filled stories and rumours about her. It's like in school where the pretty girl was bullied because all the men liked her - it's sad and pathetic.
It's my opinion that the MEN who don't like Megan Fox are either Gay, Lying or do not live with the vain hope she would date them. Lucky for me I live in denial.
So, in my opinion, Transformers 2 = awesome. Thanks a fucking bunch Topless Robot. I missed out on this at the cinema thanks to you.
Sunday, 4 October 2009
The irony of Simon Pegg
I used to love Simon Pegg.
Many years ago I created a tv show idea that would follow 2 guys who worked in a video store. It was semi-autobiographical in situation and in the idea that film governed their lives. You see, way back when I would get into situations that could be ripped right from the movie screen. I delivered rants and fired quotes from my favorite films and viewed my life as a TV show, occasionally firing glances at a fake studio audience toboot.
Then came Spaced, a show that was so well crafted and thought thru I just had to give up my show and admit it had been done (and done better) by Mr Pegg and his co-writer Jessica Stevenson.
In high school I had a friend, Sean, who had the worst acne of all the kids. He was slow and docile and so my friend Eddie and I nicknamed him Sean Of The Dead. This led to the idea of a sitcom in which 2 guys would return from a trip to Haiti where Sean would have pissed off a local witch doctor leading to zombiefication. The entire show would be one of those "hilarious circumstances" situations where my character would have to find ways of excusing Sean's undead actions.
In a time where there were no Zombie films since Return Of The Living Dead 3, plus at this age I was unaware of the continuing Zombi franchise, I decided to create my own Zombie trilogy that would re-introduce the genre.
"Zombies Take New York" would have a young video store worker finding true love on the eve of Zombie Armageddon. Once the undead attack he must get his best friend, his new girlfriend and his Mum to safety.
Of course Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright would release Shaun Of The Dead 8 years later...
However, I don't let myself become too pissed at this because Simon Pegg is a gifted comedian and a talented writer. Hot Fuzz was also an incredible film and further established him as a talent.
I don't blame him for his Mission Impossible III role even though it fell into the "parts Ricky Gervais said No to" territory. I even don't blame him for his part in Star Trek which he was rather good in.
What I DO blame him for is thus: In 1999 with the release of Star Wars The Phantom Menace, Pegg went into an assault against George Lucas. He spat venom in interviews and evn in the first episode of series 2 of Spaced. His character, Tim, was hurt by the film and spent the entire first episode banging on about it. As a fan of the show and, in many ways, identifying with his character I suddenly found something we didn't share. All of a sudden I was removed from the show and couldn't relate to anyone in it anymore which led to series 2 being a let down for me.
So as I re-watched Star Trek this last week I noticed something rather amusing. After all the carrying on and complaining regarding Jar Jar Binks, his place in Star Wars and uselessness at being comic relief... HIS character, Scotty, was teamed up with an ugly little 100% pointless alien character. This little thing had NO point, NO story, NO useful dialogue and NO reason for being anywhere near the film. He was only there a short while mid-movie but the REAPPEARED at the end for NO given reason!
Well done Pegg for contradicting yourself. Surely someone who understands USELESS characters in long awaited sci-fi movies could've turned to JJ Abrams and said "I don't like, want or even get this little guy!"
But no. You didn't. You failed.
You lost my respect as much as when you wore orange tinted shades at an indoor New Years Jools Holland Show... minus 50 for the shades and minus 50 for the fact you were at a Jools Holland show.
Many years ago I created a tv show idea that would follow 2 guys who worked in a video store. It was semi-autobiographical in situation and in the idea that film governed their lives. You see, way back when I would get into situations that could be ripped right from the movie screen. I delivered rants and fired quotes from my favorite films and viewed my life as a TV show, occasionally firing glances at a fake studio audience toboot.
Then came Spaced, a show that was so well crafted and thought thru I just had to give up my show and admit it had been done (and done better) by Mr Pegg and his co-writer Jessica Stevenson.
In high school I had a friend, Sean, who had the worst acne of all the kids. He was slow and docile and so my friend Eddie and I nicknamed him Sean Of The Dead. This led to the idea of a sitcom in which 2 guys would return from a trip to Haiti where Sean would have pissed off a local witch doctor leading to zombiefication. The entire show would be one of those "hilarious circumstances" situations where my character would have to find ways of excusing Sean's undead actions.
In a time where there were no Zombie films since Return Of The Living Dead 3, plus at this age I was unaware of the continuing Zombi franchise, I decided to create my own Zombie trilogy that would re-introduce the genre.
"Zombies Take New York" would have a young video store worker finding true love on the eve of Zombie Armageddon. Once the undead attack he must get his best friend, his new girlfriend and his Mum to safety.
Of course Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright would release Shaun Of The Dead 8 years later...
However, I don't let myself become too pissed at this because Simon Pegg is a gifted comedian and a talented writer. Hot Fuzz was also an incredible film and further established him as a talent.
I don't blame him for his Mission Impossible III role even though it fell into the "parts Ricky Gervais said No to" territory. I even don't blame him for his part in Star Trek which he was rather good in.
What I DO blame him for is thus: In 1999 with the release of Star Wars The Phantom Menace, Pegg went into an assault against George Lucas. He spat venom in interviews and evn in the first episode of series 2 of Spaced. His character, Tim, was hurt by the film and spent the entire first episode banging on about it. As a fan of the show and, in many ways, identifying with his character I suddenly found something we didn't share. All of a sudden I was removed from the show and couldn't relate to anyone in it anymore which led to series 2 being a let down for me.
So as I re-watched Star Trek this last week I noticed something rather amusing. After all the carrying on and complaining regarding Jar Jar Binks, his place in Star Wars and uselessness at being comic relief... HIS character, Scotty, was teamed up with an ugly little 100% pointless alien character. This little thing had NO point, NO story, NO useful dialogue and NO reason for being anywhere near the film. He was only there a short while mid-movie but the REAPPEARED at the end for NO given reason!
Well done Pegg for contradicting yourself. Surely someone who understands USELESS characters in long awaited sci-fi movies could've turned to JJ Abrams and said "I don't like, want or even get this little guy!"
But no. You didn't. You failed.
You lost my respect as much as when you wore orange tinted shades at an indoor New Years Jools Holland Show... minus 50 for the shades and minus 50 for the fact you were at a Jools Holland show.
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