Clive Owen - it's his fault!

Is there anyone on this planet as lucky as Clive Owen?

For one of the blandest human beings on this hunk of rock he certainly seems to be getting away with his extreme mediocrity. Not the best looking of men and certainly lacking in the acting department, he seems to get plum roles in big movies and then ruin them for me.

I probably would've been a complete nerd for Sin City if it wasn't for his involvement. I have seen very few films he's been in based upon my... hatred is a harsh word, hmmm... annoyance! I was so concerned he was going to end up as Bond I almost cried. Hell, I'd prefer Jason Statham to be the next Bond but then again I love JS but I don't know why.

So with limited talent how does Owen's star still ascend. The true Hero in this tale is his agent.

I used to goof that his agent was the ultimate salesman. Picture the scene: It's a sunny Hollywood day and Johnny Producer is pouring over resume's for every actor and actress in town. In bursts Clive Owen's agent...

COA: I hear your looking for someone to play the elderly grandmother in the new Mike Nichols film?
JP: Um... sure?
COA: Two words for you - "Clive Owen"
JP: Well, I just don't see how...
COA: Lemme put it to you this way... "Clive OWEN!"
JP: Hmm, I dunno.
COA: cliveowen
JP: Okay get him in.
COA: Awesome! Oh and about the sequel to Cloverfield? The monster in the film? I got two words for you...

Bland, bland, bland. If Clive Owen was a color, he would be beige. If he was a beverage he'd be Coke Zero. Clive Owen tastes like chicken - bland unless you add seasoning.

But I digress.