Transformers 2 - Time to turn in my geek card

So I am 30 minutes into Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. For the life of me I am enjoying it. Having read the numerous rants and ravings of the internet-o-sphere I was expecting a lot worse. So I am going to keep this blog open and come back to it when I find something to be angry about...

2 hours later. I can safely say... nothing. I totally enjoyed it.

As usual in the web age it seems that the "internet reviewers" have fallen upon the usual nit-pick bandwagon that other great films have fallen prey to. So lets look at their arguments:

1) Lack of identifiable Transformers.
Well to be brutally honest I couldn't tell you the name of a single character save for Sam and Mikaela. So if that is the case for the humans then why should I care for the Transformers?

2) The Hot Decepticon. Why?
It is perfectly understandable for the Decepticons to plant one of their own to follow Sam. His family have been intwined with the 'Formers for years so surely there would be a strong possibility of a connection shortly after. Aside from the military Sam is the only one who is in communication with the Autobots.

3) Confusing storyline.
I chuckle that the "intelligent reviewers" have trouble following a simple storyline in a 100% popcorn funfest. To sum it up - Sam sees symbols that will lead him to a key. This key will activate a big blow up machine. The Baddies want part of the Allspark that contains the location info. They steal the other remaining piece to bring back Megatron - Their leader. He is a minion of the Fallen who wants to destroy the sun for Energon (precious Energon!) and wants Optimus Prime dead as he is the only robot that can defeat the Fallen. Optimus Prime is killed and the Baddies go to get the loot. Sam figures the key can also resurrect Optimus. Sam gets there first. There is a fight. Optimus comes back. Goodies win. THE END!

4) Autobots appear and disappear.
Yes this is true but only if you are viewing this film for sheer asshat nerdery. Once again I didn't notice this at all during the film. Optimus is in a different area when he is killed. During the final battle the Autobots are there, shit goes down, then they return. This is a problem... why?

5) The Racist Twins.
Okay THIS I don't get. Maybe society has become wayyy too politically correct but I seriously don't see this as an issue. Fuck, Marlon Wayans still gets cast in movies playing this exact character so why when it's 2 robots does it become a problem? Okay I didn't find them funny but as characters they didn't offend my delicate sensibilities - believe me I am as PC as they come - and so I give them a shrug.

6) The Shard and Jetfire.
So Sam uses the shard to resurrect Jetfire. Not Optimus Prime. Okay... if you follow the movie every action has a reaction. They go from point A to B to C and at no time during the film does Sam have the ability to actually GET to Optimus. Being wanted by everyone to just be handed over to the Decepticons kinda silences just showing up at a Military Base dontcha think? Even so the possibility of the Allspark shard bringing a Prime back especially after he harnessed the full energy of the Allspark in the first film is pretty damn slim. Plus Jetfire didn't seem dead to me, more like he was on stand-by.

7) Jetfire teleports.
Okay.... and? It's a simple way of getting all the characters to point B from point A. I'm not gonna lose sleep over THAT.

8) Transformer heaven?
You know there are times I read something and it sounds bad. Like the ENTIRETY of The Happening. Then when I actually SEE it? It works. See I don't visualise Transformer heaven when I see it in the film. Sam was coded with the symbols from the Allspark shard. Thus he has been uploaded with information. So when he was on the verge of death it is totally plausible for him to see the vision he saw. The Primes in his vision a part of the coding. Hell the Allspark contained information on FINDING the Primes so surely that could have been included in Sam's vision?

9) Shia's hand.
I am using the Topless Robot complaints list for this and they mention how his hand injury is not "written" into the movie because nobody references it... What the hell? He appears from teleport with a burning hand and shows pain from it. Already I see this and understand: his hand? Damaged. Then we see Megan tend to the hand. Okay, I am sold. Sam has hurt his hand. In a film that is fast-paced and exciting do we really need to stop the film for someone to say "Hey, how is your hand?" or "Hey, your hand man?" The answer is no.

10) Devastator's Balls.
Okay. I only noticed this from the ONE part where it is mentioned and seen in semi close-up. A lot was made about this on the Topless Robot site in the running up to the film's release. Seriously? In no way did this take anything away from the film like the pissing scene in the first one. THAT really made me feel uncomfortable. In fact I was more troubled by the Dog on Dog action at the start - I seriously think Michael Bay is making Dog Porn in the same way Mice were used to entice Cats into watching Frank Cross' Live Scrooge adaptation.

11) College scenes. Mom's Brownies.
The one thing about a Transformer's movie is that it is, at it's core, a film about giant robots. Now, considering the complaints ABOUT the giant robots, it makes sense to have a focus on the human characters. See, there is an important thing in the world of film, you have to allow your audience INTO the movie. If you have an all robot film then we, as the audience, cannot become involved so it makes more sense to have human's in the action. The college scenes were fun in my opinion. His Mom's drug fuelled scenes actually made me laugh. So...?

12) Megan Fox.
I honestly do not understand the hate spewed at this girl. I am a fan. No amount of vitriol will take away from that. They attack her looks, her acting and her in general. Now as far as looks go she is a 10. I can honestly say she is a perfect specimen of a woman - it is a shame she made her name in Transformers because with the right vehicle she would be able to show she is made of better stuff. Actingwise she is competant. Her emotional range in a Michael Bay film was impressive beating all the other actors hands down. Her passionate plea to Sam as he lay dying was on the money and her scene as she nervously waited for her "Date" with Sam was sweetly played. I know Megan Fox can act - she's just waiting for the role in which to shine.

Now Megan Fox as a person? I don't know. She isn't in my circle of friends and never will be but I have read interviews with her and she seems so completely grounded it's scary. She spoke of how the limelight changes you and some days you want to just let loose and have fun but the watchful gaze of the Paparazzi prevents that. She is a quiet, personal and reflective woman and not a total wreck like most pretty stars. I have read about people who have interviewed her and say she is a nice person however these stories will be buried quickly by the hate filled stories and rumours about her. It's like in school where the pretty girl was bullied because all the men liked her - it's sad and pathetic.

It's my opinion that the MEN who don't like Megan Fox are either Gay, Lying or do not live with the vain hope she would date them. Lucky for me I live in denial.

So, in my opinion, Transformers 2 = awesome. Thanks a fucking bunch Topless Robot. I missed out on this at the cinema thanks to you.