Yo... Zucchini!

I love George Clooney.

There, I said it. He has a remarkable charisma that seems to be fuelled by one thing: his generel George Clooney-ness. He walks into a film and everything stops for him as if out of respect the world gives a small silence and a brief nod in his direction. I swear any straight guy on the planet, if they were being honest, would admit they have a little crush. However, they will not be able to explain it.

The worst thing is the charm won't stick to the screen. It follows him into the real world making interviews, appearances and photos in the tabloids just as bad a tease than the films.


He is a true classic actor in the style of Cary Grant but invokes so many more. Look at Clooney closely next time and you will see elements of Hollywood in it's prime. I'm sure he is the product of early genetic engineering wherein DNA was removed from every actor in Golden Age Hollywood and dumped into Marylin Monroe. She brought young George to term.

Clooney born 6th May 1961
Monroe died 5th August 1962

Maybe she found out the plan for world domination?!

Kennedy 22nd November 1963

When will it end!?!

Anyhoo, I am pumped to see Men Who Stare At Goats featuring Swooney... (ignore that) as a self proclaimed "Jedi Knight". Based on a true story etc. I would detail the story but other sites get paid to do that 'kay?

'Kay.

The reason for my excitement is Clooney being a comedy genius. He VERY rarely seems to flex his comedy muscles even though humor can be found in the majority of his work. His performances in Coen Brothers movies are the creations of comedy genius.

If you need any evidence that Clooney is the funniest performer in the world then go watch Return Of The Killer Tomatoes...

I stumbled across this film late on Sci-Fi and having nothing to do (Plus the Nudie channels didn't start Freeview for 2 more hours) I decided to sit and bitch about what I already knew: It's a low budget Troma film. What I soon realised was it was also the funniest film ever made. Seriously? Yes. Funnier than Airplane? Yes. The hit and miss ratio of Airplane and the HIT and HIT ratio of Tomatoes just puts the fruit first.

When Clooney appears he is a young big haired 80's kid. You can see the face but it doesn't feel like Dr Ross, almost like some bizarre alternate reality Clooney. This soon falls away when you start seeing the slight facial gestures and ticks that made him huge. He has the majority of the best lines too:

"That's the bravest thing I've ever seen a vegetable do."

Delivered almost perfectly deadpan but with a dash of sarcasm in perfect dosage. For the whole film Clooney seems like he is just there. Like he wandered onto the set and nobody could get rid of him. He seems to do the most ridiculous things that don't seem intentional (even if they were scripted) such as flutter one eye in close ups, repeatedly hold the back of another actor's jacket when playing fear and product placement.

Mike Myers is a hack. Everything he has ever done has been furiously ripped off from something else. The "product placement" scene in Wayne's World was done much better in 1988 - FOUR YEARS before. Watch both scenes and tell me it wasn't ripped off.





Go watch Return Of The Killer Tomatoes. Okay?

They are gardeners and carpenters, they are not tomato men