Remakes...

I am like the average psychotic crazed movie fan in that I despise the idea of remakes. I am also like the average psychotic movie fan in that I actually enjoy them on release.

Currently Hollywood has a slew of remakes, re-imaginings and reboots in the pipeline. Commando, Predator, The Running Man and Total Recall have all been announced in the last couple of weeks. Wait! Pattern forming? Nah.

Over the next few paragraphs (or until I tire of it) I will attempt to dissect the remake issue from points of view of the fans AND the studios and give the pros and cons of this celluloid hot potato.

So beginning with a popular one...

"Why remake X when the original is a classic?"
Well the answer is easy - MONEY! Over the years of working in a video store I saw shitloads of films that were flat out copies of classics. 30 or so were Campers being slaughtered by a faceless killer. These films never rented that well with the "in the know" crowd and were often picked up for fun. None of these films had "Friday" or "13th" in the title but if they had perhaps more folk would have picked them up.

A remake is often in name and situation only. Dawn Of The Dead was a pleasant surprise when it hit cinemas and many people lapped up the rollercoaster, tongue in cheek fun of the film. Just months prior to this EVERY horror fan was frothing at the mouth over the very notion of remaking it. It went on to good numbers through sheer word of mouth proving a remake can work.

Funnily enough many remakes are slammed despite the original product being substandard. Hell, I love Friday the 13th as much as the next guy but should I genuinely give a crap about a remake? Was the first film such a Holy Grail that it should remain untouched? The F13 franchise got worse as even it's fans will admit so isn't the only logical alternative a reboot?

As it turns out the film was not bad. Better than some of the later offerings in fact.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre - After the initial shock of the film dies down it has it's merits but I believe you can see why Tobe Hooper hasn't made a good film since - he isn't that good. TCM is the cinematic equivalent of The Beatles - many folks just say it's good because the feel they have to in order to fit in. The remake was off the shelf stuff and is only memorable to me because R Lee Ermey is a legend no matter what he does (Saving Silverman anyone?).

The Hills Have Eyes - I watched the original for no reason than I just did. There was no anticipation or notion in mind. I was bored so I rented it. It was alright - worth a rewatch but was it a classic? I also rented The Last House On The Left same day. That one was planned after picking up Hills so I went into my Craven-athon expecting nothing and that is what I got.

The remake was... I honestly cannot remember. I know it had the woman from Lost in it but everything else is gone. Without Michael Berryman it had to fail. I have yet to see the Last House remake and probably won't.

My Bloody Valentine - The original was typical 80's slasher fun - The remake wasn't too bad and retained the fun element. The twist ending was so obvious despite the red herrings slapping you in the face and groin.

However, the above represents semi decent films that were remade. What about the true classics? I've already mentioned Dawn Of The Dead but what about...

The Fog - One of the creepiest horror films imaginable and a joy to watch again and again. The remake turned it in to a fucking ghost love story.

Halloween - see previous post.

Day Of The Dead - Poor acting, bad camerawork - and that was the amazing original! The remake? Oh I fucking hate the remake and everyone involved. Steve Miner.... humph.

Night Of The Living Dead - great film, very dark and real and poorly acted. The remakes? Tom Savini's bloodless 1990 version was alright-ish but the 3D version was atrocious but in a way that I wouldn't mind rewatching it.

However, Nightmare On Elm Street...

This is where I have to put on my nerd cap. The above movies are fair game but NOES is a true horror classic. In 50 years I will be watching this film with my great-grandkids and they will be laughing at the cheesy acting and poor effects. I'll be hitting them with my cane and telling them how films aren't the same anymore. But, despite all this, I am slightly excited to see how it turns out. Jackie Earl Haley has proved himself perfect for the role and I cannot really complain. Plus Hot Girl from Harper's Island! Woo!

I am sooo torn.

One studio argument is that the remake will inspire folks to see the original thus giving the classic a new audience. This much is true despite the label of hogwash slapped on it by the internerds. This is the case with My Bloody Valentine. I rushed to see the original before I saw the remake whereas without the remake MBV would have passed me by forever.

Then again, I would love to see a remake of the Running Man. The original is a classic bit of fun but is mired in 80's eightiesness. A remake would be great in this twisted world of reality TV.

Also The Evil Dead. A true legend of a film that I wouldn't be too mad to get remade... as long as I was remaking it.

In my effort to dissect remakes I have just confused myself. Stupid myself!