As you may be able to tell I'm not big on cinemagoing. It's partially down to the proliferation of Mobile Phones, the endless chit-chat from people who think because the sound is loud they have to TALK LOUDER and kids generally fucking around. However, one of the biggest reasons is - movies today generally suck.
I went through a stage from birth until a couple of years ago where I saw nothing but great films. Even if a movie wasn't great, the experience of seeing it with my friends was always good. Then came the run of horrible movies - Starsky and Hutch and Van Helsing for starters.
This is all a roundabouts way of filling you in on my sucky horror run. It featured Hack, P2, The Strangers and more.
Hack has an interesting idea but it's executed in the worst way. Plus it features one of my all time pet peeves - the shameless referencing of other movies. When done right it can be a clever in-joke for fans of the genre - case in point Final Destination's characters being named after Horror movie directors. When done wrong you get Hack. One of the most annoying things in film is when people sit around and talk about other (better) movies just succeeding in making you think - Yes, compared to them this film is horrid. Plus as a film fan I have had my fair share of conversations about movies but these guys take the idea way too far: The punk chick and the nerd, the quiet girl and the exchange student etc. all saying "So, what's your top ten Frankenstein movies?" and then some other saying "I like Young Frankenstein" and the response being "One of Mel Brooks finest films..."
What does this achieve? If you're writing a script and cut and pasting IMDB then you should quit now.
P2 wasn't actually too bad. It was very much in the vein of the remakes that pepper Hollywood although I don't believe it is (I don't use IMDB). The problem being Rachel Nichols. Not a major problem but more of a studio choice no doubt.
Her firm, supple breasts caused me to seriously not follow this film at all. Whereas it is an interesting choice to have them exposed throughout almost the entire film I seriously kept thinking about them instead of caring for her. Wes Bentley was quite good and it was different to see a psycho played by a good looking actor instead of him having a creepy deformity. But those breasts... One whole day on from watching the film and I can't NOT think about them. The ending was kinda odd too, normally the end being the heroine shoots the villain or blows him up, in P2 she LIGHTS THE GUY ON FIRE and WATCHES HIM BURN.
Jesus!
Rob Zombie's Halloween. Man it is crap. One hour of telling a story of a disturbed little boy (that REALLY didn't need telling) and another hour of trying to remake Halloween by... ahem... having all the females turn into sex obsessed sluts who talk like a horny 40 year old imagines young schoolgirls talk. I seriously believe Zombie wanted to make his own wank movie and this is what we got.
Plus what was with every random character with only 2-3 minutes of screentime being played by genre actors. Brad Dourif, Ken Foree, Dee Wallace, Udo Kier, Clint Howard, that hook nosed freaky guy who always looked like his skin was too tight. It just seems wasteful. Was Jeffrey Coombes unavailable or just sensible?
The dialogue and acting is horrific. Sherri Moon used to be great to look at but couldn't act and now she can't do either. Sure she's still kinda pretty but I'd prefer to see her try her hand at something NOT made by her husband.
Devil's Rejects on the other hand - pure genius and one of the best directed and written films ever. GO FIGURE!
And The Strangers. It was doing the rounds and had a quite interesting trailer that seemed creepy enough. However, it was more of the same. Villains that could disappear and reappear randomly without anyone noticing, stupid leads who at one point make the right choice by hiding in a corner of a dark room with one entrance holding a shotgun! Then after their dumb friend, seeing something is seriously messed up, walks into the house NOT turning off the record player and NOT shouting for his friends gets shot instead. Dumbass.
Then the man decides to go outside and leave the woman inside A HOUSE WE ALREADY KNOW ISN'T IMPERVIOUS! To which, despite HAVING A SHOTGUN, he is captured. These people are seriously too dumb to live. Plus Funny Games was much, much better.
As Halloween approaches I'll continue this hunt for a great horror film. Then I shall give up and watch [Rec] again.
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2 comments:
Thank you for the warning about "The Strangers"...I was thinking about trying that out and the DVD cover I've been seeing has been a bit intrigueing. As for [rec], I think I've seen that around so I gotta get my hands on it now. :)
Definately see [rec] but DO NOT SEE Quarantine pleeeease! Rec 2 coming soon also which looks awesome. :)
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